Listening isn’t waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can tell your story. It’s metabolizing what the other person is saying. You take it in. You ingest it, chew over it, make it real and then you add something new into the universe. It takes practice to hear what is not being said. We all should really try to hear what people are not saying.
(From #ThursdayMussar class with Ruchi Koval) – Many thanks to my new mispacha – HeatherFeinberg Greene
We now have a Facebook page for the DVasah Series, and I hope that we will be sharing more stories with families, friends and new friends that we plan to meet. It is the name of my mother and the love that I have for her, I want to share all that I learned this past year.
Aging can be a lonely journey, and no one should have to travel the journey of life alone. Do not believe it when someone tells you they choose to be alone. They may opt to have some alone time, but they do not decide to be alone! Alone is different from lonely and once we become lonely, we have crossed over the edge and sometimes it ‘s hard to be pulled back.
As we age our independent personal needs get in the way of what is real and what is not and the angry older adult personality comes to light. You may have heard or even experienced elder anger. Someone in your family may have turned into the stranger that you no longer recognize. However, sometimes all it takes is keeping the lines of communication open!
Life does not slow down, but the body senses do, whether it be the brain or some of the physical capabilities. Last week mom or dad may have been able to work in their garden, to bend, stooping, pulling weeds and this week they can’t get out of bed. For someone younger, recovery from a day in the garden is often much faster if recovery is even an issue. For an aging adult, it’s like life has given them yet another blow, and they have lost yet one more ‘thing’ to do whether they enjoyed gardening or vacuuming or whatever caused this new lament of aches and pains.
Too often as adult children, family members and friends we tend to either ignore the kvetching or overcompensate by trying to fix their woes. Instead of becoming aware of the aging dilemma we try to fix it incorrectly. We hire housekeepers, caregivers, companions, Uber drivers, and whomever we can find for mom or dad. Even when we step up to the plate, write the check for the hired help, stop by to visit, call our parent on the phone, take mom or dad to dinner or shopping; isn’t it true we are busy hiding behind our electronics keeping up with our busy world leaving our parents alone with us?
(And I Will Always Be There For Her (Is There a Phone in Heaven?) I have made all these mistakes in the name of love – and my mistakes are not unusual. However, we owe more to ourselves, our parents, and our families (extended friends and community) that no one should be lonely!
Let’s begin talking, sharing, and finding the solutions that bringing aging to the beautiful pinnacle it should be.
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